Kindergarten graduation

Assorted photos from Maggie's kindergarten graduation. Here she is looking coy and adorable in her purple floral dress.

With her very best friend (right):

With her teachers (below):

With Mommy and Daddy, who were also marking their fifteenth wedding anniversary (below):

With friends Mr. D and Miss Betty (below):

That ice cream cake was just too tempting to wait for (below):

Last picture, okay, Mom? Let's eat!

Biopsy results

The results are in. The doctors say that if I have to have lupus in my kidneys that I've got the best kind to have. It's a fairly mild case of the very treatable membranous lupus nephritis. For now, I'll just be on blood pressure medicine and get routine check ups. Good news!

Biopsy update

I'm back home, resting, after my biopsy. The procedure itself wasn't too bad. What was bad was having blood drawn. I'm not an easy stick. It took them six tries to get the IV line started. Every time I had to get blood drawn, it took a minimum of two tries. My arms are both one big bruise. I never want to see another needle again!

The biopsy itself wasn't too awful. They numb you with lidocane first. That was probably the worst part. Of course, even with the CT to help position the needle, they didn't get in the right spot for the biopsy the first time. So, I got two shots of lidocane and two probes with the biopsy needle. You can feel the pressure against the kidney when the biopsy actually happens. Feels crampy afterwards.

The doctor did say that as far as he could see from the CT that everything looked good, and he only had to take one tissue sample. He even showed the sample to me, which was cool.

Won't know the results until this Friday at the earliest, but since my follow-up's not until NEXT Friday (May 22), I'm guessing I won't know until then. They've got to send the sample to Vandy for analysis.

Right now, I am doing well. I'm supposed to take it easy, and I'm doing my best to make that happen. :) No pushing, pulling, or lifting more than ten pounds for the next ten days. I'm under doctor's orders to be a "couch potato" for the next three days. Friends from church did our laundry yesterday and will be bringing food by for the next week or ten days.

We are blessed!

Kidney Bean

My group of friends from college is collectively known as "The Beans." The reason for this has been lost to history. Some of us have special nicknames. I've been "MAC" my whole life (because of my pre-marriage initials). Another Bean is known as "The Venerable Bede" because she was a history major. The others are usually known as [First Name] Bean. (Ex. "Jane Bean" or "Dawn Bean" or "Joy Bean." -- Not their "real" Bean names.)

I guess I've now earned a new name -- "Kidney Bean."

After a year of speculation, lots of blood work, and two 24 hour urine tests (fun!), my nephrologist has determined that I need a kidney biopsy. (More fun!) It's become apparent that my lupus (SLE) has started affecting my kidneys. This is known as lupus nephritis. (For those keeping track, my lupus diagnosis wasn't "official" until protein showed up in my urine last year. There's a lot of overlap with autoimmune disorters. However, it's quite clearly already had an effect on my muscles, my joints, and my blood. There may be further cardiac involvement. It probably caused Maggie's premature birth, and since it gives me a hyperactive immune system -- my body's always fighting itself -- I'm almost always fatigued.)

So, I'll be having a kidney biopsy on May 12. It will require an overnight stay to make sure I don't start bleeding uncontrollably or get a blood clot. (Super fun!!)

Please keep our family in your prayers. Please especially remember Maggie who is struggling with my illness and her nana's death. I do not know how she'll react to my hospitalization.

Speaking of my mom's death, it's almost Mother's Day -- my first without her. I know I'm going to miss her. I'll also miss her on Tuesday when I go in for my biopsy. If she was still with us, I know she'd be there.

My dad would have been there, too, if he could. I miss them both.

Peace to you all. Thanks for listening.

Language Lessons

So, the other day, Maggie and I are in the car after school. She chattered away as we drove along from errand to errand. After a thoughtful moment, she excitedly said, "Oh! Miss Ann* found out today that Nikki knows another language!"

"Really," I answered, only halfway listening. "Tell me about that."

"Well, Miss Ann said, 'Nikki, we do NOT use language like that at school!'"

I started listening.

"Ummm. What did Nikki say?"

"I don't know. I don't speak any other languages."

Whew.

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Last night Maggie was making up silly rhyming words. She quite innocently "made up" a word that, in adult parlance, is pretty offensive. After I told her not to use that word, my very inquisitive daughter kept asking me what it meant.

I am not ready for all this growing up business!

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*Names changed to protect the guilty.

Winter storm

Here in our part of Kentucky, we got lots of ice and snow earlier in the week. We were fortunate never to lose power. Our biggest complaint was losing internet and cable on Tuesday, but we really can't complain about that when many of our friends and neighbors are without power.

We got ice, then ice mixed with snow, then a 12 hour break, then more ice, then three inches of snow. The 12 hour break was nice because David could go out and shovel in preparation for the next wave. (He says it was easier that way. I'll take his word for it.) It was also nice to get snow and only snow at the end. That meant something for Maggie to play in. Here are some photos. I took some video, too, but I'll post that separately.

Below: Us in front of our damaged Bradford pear. Then, Maggie enjoys some snow cream.

Stages of grief, cont.

I blogged a bit about the stages of grief. I'm on to a new stage or possibly two new stages. They're hard to separate, so I'll talk about both.

3. Anger
3a. Outright anger -- I'm snippy and short-tempered. I try not to be, but I'm not always successful.
3b. Depression -- A wise sage once told me that "depression is anger turned inward." In his classic novel, All the King's Men, Robert Penn Warren creates a main character, Jack Burden, who periodically slips into "The Big Sleep" when he's super-depressed. I've been in my own Big Sleep lately. I wake up long enough to eat a bite or go to the bathroom. After about an hour, I just can't stay awake any longer and find myself back in bed again -- slipping into the blissful, forgetful arms of sleep.

Things we'll miss

Another poignant post by my brother can be found here.

He writes well. I'll admit it. I don't know how he's writing so well right now. I'm completely numb mentally.